One year reflections

If you asked me a few ago where I would be at today, I would not have said Panama. I had big plans. Go to school, get a good job, be successful, and make lots of money. I was going to be some sort or scientist or researcher. But development work? Humanities? No way! Yet here I am, I have my big degrees, a job until next year, successful is TBD, and the money….broke.

Most days I have no idea what I am doing. I had a Panamanian tell me that for me coming here is like going back 100 years in time. For gosh sakes its 2012! Why are we still cooking on firewood, washing by hand, and without electricity?  Lack of motivation, organization, and support from the government is at times unbearable. And the eternal question…am I making a difference?

I know it is worth it the days when the kids put their garbage in my trash bag or say please, and when I am greeted with a warm smile or a big hug or when I spend time with Melania and her family. I may not have a million projects going on, but that is not why I joined the Peace Corps. Maybe I should be married and be starting my family. Maybe I should have a real job. Maybe I should be paying my student loans. Maybe I should thing about growing up. But I don’t wanna!

I have accomplished a lot this past year and checked a few things off my bucket list.

·         Learned and became “fluent” in another language

·         Lived and worked in another country

·         Learned to surf

·         Made amazing relationships

·         Opened up to new people

·         Learned to eat rice 3 times a day

·         Discovered how amazing culantro is

·         Took care of my very own house, garden, and dog

·         Discovered the plethora of tasty foods you can make with corn

·         Learned what it is like to be a minority

·         Lived simply and happily

·         Bought a cow and was given a chicken

·         Went someplace where people knew absolutely nothing about me and still don’t understand that much about me

·         Seen poverty for real

When I signed up for the Peace Corps I honestly didn’t think I would come home at all. And I honestly wasn’t that sure I really wanted to until about a week before. I was nervous about all the changes that have happened at home…or rather all that hasn’t changed one bit. And I have changed enormously and am in a very different place in my life. But right now is an excellent break for me. I have some time to re-group and re-think my plan of action. Time to fundraise for my project. And get to enjoy many of the perks of living at home including but not limited to pizza and wings, hot showers, a comfortable bed and many other niceties that are not available in my campo lifestyle. I however am definitely going to have price shock. Culture shock I don’t really think so, Panama is pretty developed. But when I paid $10 for a mediocre sandwich in the airport it hit me, I’m headed home.

I didn’t think leaving would be a big deal to leave Panama, it’s only two weeks, but I felt sad. I almost cried when I said goodbye to my host mom Melania. Everyone was so excited for me to be traveling to see my family and friends and send their saludos. My favorite was from my Abuelo. He said say hi to your family for me, but make sure to tell them in English because I know they don’t speak Spanish. Ah Abuelo…