One year reflections

If you asked me a few ago where I would be at today, I would not have said Panama. I had big plans. Go to school, get a good job, be successful, and make lots of money. I was going to be some sort or scientist or researcher. But development work? Humanities? No way! Yet here I am, I have my big degrees, a job until next year, successful is TBD, and the money….broke.

Most days I have no idea what I am doing. I had a Panamanian tell me that for me coming here is like going back 100 years in time. For gosh sakes its 2012! Why are we still cooking on firewood, washing by hand, and without electricity?  Lack of motivation, organization, and support from the government is at times unbearable. And the eternal question…am I making a difference?

I know it is worth it the days when the kids put their garbage in my trash bag or say please, and when I am greeted with a warm smile or a big hug or when I spend time with Melania and her family. I may not have a million projects going on, but that is not why I joined the Peace Corps. Maybe I should be married and be starting my family. Maybe I should have a real job. Maybe I should be paying my student loans. Maybe I should thing about growing up. But I don’t wanna!

I have accomplished a lot this past year and checked a few things off my bucket list.

·         Learned and became “fluent” in another language

·         Lived and worked in another country

·         Learned to surf

·         Made amazing relationships

·         Opened up to new people

·         Learned to eat rice 3 times a day

·         Discovered how amazing culantro is

·         Took care of my very own house, garden, and dog

·         Discovered the plethora of tasty foods you can make with corn

·         Learned what it is like to be a minority

·         Lived simply and happily

·         Bought a cow and was given a chicken

·         Went someplace where people knew absolutely nothing about me and still don’t understand that much about me

·         Seen poverty for real

When I signed up for the Peace Corps I honestly didn’t think I would come home at all. And I honestly wasn’t that sure I really wanted to until about a week before. I was nervous about all the changes that have happened at home…or rather all that hasn’t changed one bit. And I have changed enormously and am in a very different place in my life. But right now is an excellent break for me. I have some time to re-group and re-think my plan of action. Time to fundraise for my project. And get to enjoy many of the perks of living at home including but not limited to pizza and wings, hot showers, a comfortable bed and many other niceties that are not available in my campo lifestyle. I however am definitely going to have price shock. Culture shock I don’t really think so, Panama is pretty developed. But when I paid $10 for a mediocre sandwich in the airport it hit me, I’m headed home.

I didn’t think leaving would be a big deal to leave Panama, it’s only two weeks, but I felt sad. I almost cried when I said goodbye to my host mom Melania. Everyone was so excited for me to be traveling to see my family and friends and send their saludos. My favorite was from my Abuelo. He said say hi to your family for me, but make sure to tell them in English because I know they don’t speak Spanish. Ah Abuelo…

Peace Corps is a lot different than I thought. Firstly in terms of my volunteers… while we have lots in common just based on the fact that we had the desire to be volunteers in the first place, we are all so incredibly different. I expected to find a lot more people like me. Responsible, mature, independent. I still after one year in Panama am not sure why some people are here. My regional leader recently came to visit me and asked, “So…how are you?” I hadn’t seen or spoke to her in a long time. Because I don’t need her to solve my problems. I can deal with it myself. She told me she has some people that call her all the time with one thing or the other. I joined Peace Corps to work with people. People building. I am not here to do tons of projects and as they say “build monuments.” As an organization, Peace Corps emphasizes the people building, but in reality this cannot be quantified. And how many things do I have to fill out quantifying what I do and asking me specifically about projects. Too many. If you really want me to do my job, there is no form in the world that can include little girls coloring at my house or having a conversation about the environment or realizing how much you can trust a person. All this cannot be written down. Back when I first got to Panama I heard a great quote. Development is love in action. You can’t put a number on love.

PML

PML

Project Management and Leadership … a 3 day workshop with a community counterpart, along with all the other volunteers in my group. Each volunteer brings a community member with them, someone we see as a leader or needs a bit of help developing leadership skills.  I chose my host mom, Melania. She is a strong woman, the only woman on the directive of the association and is actively involved in management of the projects. She is not afraid to speak her mind within the community, but is incredibly shy in front of agency people.

I never really considered myself a feminist, but I guess I am. I have worked very hard to be where I am today. A female, a scientist, a development worker, independent, living and working alone in another country. I know my life was significantly easier than the people in my community, but wasn’t born with a silver spoon either. I know the sacrifices that my family has made for me for my school and my happiness. I worked incredibly hard for all of my schooling and to be able to travel to so many different places. I will be paying for college for the rest of my life. After seeing how women live and are treated in Panama, I know I am a feminist. In having so many opportunities as a woman in America, it is blatantly obvious that the women here in the campo do not have the same opportunities. And what can I say; I want to help a sister out!

The conference was a bit of a struggle for me. Much of the information is obvious to me, how to run a meeting, write an agenda, etc. But for most of the counterparts, these are all new ideas. It’s surprising how difficult it is to explain something so basic. It was so hard not to lose my patience. I went to bed exhausted every night. But I am so incredibly proud of her! As the sessions went on, I could see a change. She was participating more, getting less nervous to talk in front of people, understanding more ideas, sharing experiences, talking to other people, going out on her own. I did my best to encourage and support her and I hope she really got something out of it.

My favorite session of the conference was the “filling buckets” session. It was basically about the importance of empowerment of people by filling their bucket with compliments. So we did various activities and its incredible the power of giving and receiving compliments.

My least favorite was about identifying your goals in life. But it did help me figure out why I am so scared of the future, because I have no idea what I want to do. Listening to people say they want to go to grad school, or a certain type of job; and me??? No clue. I know I want to travel and be happy. That’s all I got. Let’s just say traveling and being happy doesn’t pay for student loans.

Applications are now being accepted for a life coach.

Fotos

Pre-Service Training
https://picasaweb.google.com/amystypa/PeaceCorpsPanamaPreServiceTraining?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCOOureuQyqTfkAE&feat=directlink

Los Virotales
https://picasaweb.google.com/amystypa/FirstVisitToLosVirotales?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCP-CkuaW0v_xxgE&feat=directlink
https://picasaweb.google.com/amystypa/LosVirotales02?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCLjZv8_mxcqiZA&feat=directlink

In Service Training and Thanksgiving
https://picasaweb.google.com/amystypa/ISTAndThanksgiving?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCLTd6YS_5MrfTg&feat=directlink

Fiestas
https://picasaweb.google.com/amystypa/Fiestas?authuser=0&authkey=Gv1sRgCO3z9MKY-4Oh2wE&feat=directlink

Cutting and Burning

I have discovered a month worse than rainy October, burning March. March is the peak of dry season. The men spend January and February cutting the fields including good sized trees and let everything dry for a month. Then they burn it, burn it all. Day and night burning. It's so depressing. Everything dry and black. Could the rainy season really be better? At least everything is green...

A Month in Site

I have not left site for the night for a month. And its been great! I left twice just for the day, but have just been hanging out enjoying summer. Everyone has been really busy with red bean harvest and I have gone to help serve or carry food to the workers. There was a big junta with 35 guys and I helped carry food with 8 other women. We were walking mid day in the blazing sun for over an hour, just to get where they were working. These women are hard core. I told them I didn't want to carry the food because I was afraid to fall and dump all the food. They thought this was incredibly hilarious! And I ended up carrying the plates and spoons.

I have been working on my grant application for more eco stoves for the community, and got 3 recycling tanks donated for the school. Now that school is started up again, I need to meet with the teachers in order to get working more with them. The second phase of our Corridor Biologico project is starting up. The idea of the project is reforestation, but with fruit trees and coffee and plantains. Giving the people a reason to want to plant trees, since there is a tangible product. The 3 trainings are all this month and we just held the first one at my house. Everything went pretty well, we are just having trouble with the amount of community interest.

Life is good. I am happy living this crazy campo life.

El Toro

Bull riding. Inhuman. Unsafe. But super fun to watch!

This weekend one of my teachers invited me to go to a fiesta in her home town. This mainly consisted of the younger guys bull riding during the day and then everyone getting wasted at night. It was fun sitting up on the fence watching the guys ride, and then chase them around until they could get them in the pen. Its totally a test of who is brave and manly enough to do it. Thank goodness no one was seriously hurt! At night they have a cantadera with is just some guys singing and I am to understand that they are mostly insulting each other, but my spanish isn´t that good yet to understand singing. And if it wasn´t obvious enough that I was the only gringa there, the cantadero gave me saludos while he was singing. He was the host dad of another volunteer and introduced himself. While he was singing he said "Saludos to Amy who came all the way from New York." Oh and did I mention that this is broadcast on the radio too? Que pena.

The next day we went to another fiesta with more bull riding, but this time it was way more dangerous. The bulls were a lot bigger and a lot angrier. Several guys got dangerously bucked off.  One of the guys who was like the rodeo clown got the wind knocked out of him and went to the hospital. Another guy was really drunk and got bucked off. He was on the ground not moving and no one got him out of the way. The bull came back around and messed up his face. Another trip to the hospital.  It makes me think of that country song Chicks Dig It. So dumb and dangerous, but the chicks dig it.